GOOD ONES

JUST TO MAKE YOU LAUGH...

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, “He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

Future Irish Mother-in-Law
This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his Ma he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says: “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: “Right, OK Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”

“That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did ye know?”

“I don't like her.”

Can I stay here?
This guy says to his buddy, “You'll never believe what happened last night.”

His buddy says, “Well then, tell me what happened.”

The guy says, “Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch.”

She said, “Can I stay here for a few days?”

I said, “Of course, you can,” and shut the door.

Couldn't Spell
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

“Henry,” she said, “I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?”

“Err, yes, I did,” said the husband. “But I, I couldn't spell ‘convenience’, so I made it ‘risk.’”

Standard Security
I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany , where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions.

“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?” he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked, “Does she like you?”

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HAVE A NICE DAY!!!