Welcome To My World!

The Best Inheritance

  

The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

LAUGHTER

  

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.

Faith, Love and Hope

  

Have You Ever Wondered...?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

Frequently Asked Questions (Accounting)

*What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

*What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

*When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

*What's an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humor.

*Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.

*What's an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

*What's a shy and retiring accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.

*How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong way.

*What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

*What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.

*Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

*Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.

*Why did the Accountant cross the road?
To bore the people on the other side!

*What does CPA stand for?
Can't Pass Again.

*How do you know if an accountant is an extrovert or introvert?
An extrovert looks at your shoes when talking to you, an introvert looks at their shoes when talking to you.

*What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail.

*What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depletion.

*What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.

*What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

*There are two kinds of accountants in the world
Those who can count and those who can't.

*What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

*What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.

*What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

Bus Load of Politicians

One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The driver lost control and crashed the bus into the ditch. A farmer came by, and, finding the politicians lying in the road, buried them.

The police arrived on the scene just as she finished tamping the dirt down over the last one. They started asking her questions about the wreck.

"So you buried ALL the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Kalinga - Whitewater Rafting Capital Of The North

BRIEF DESCRIPTION
A glance of the Philippine map will easily reveal the similarity of the physiography of Kalinga to that of a bust of a man akin to former President Ferdinand E. Marcos. The province’s geographic feature is charcterized in the western portion by sharp crested interlinking peaks of the steep slope, isolated flat lands, plateaus, and valleys. The eastern portion has generally rolling, gradually sloping foothills. With interlocking wide tracks of flat lands and flood plains along its main drainage system, this rare geography interposes a great role expected of the province in national development pursuits.

GEOGRAPHY
Kalinga is nestled on an elevation of 300 to 5,000 feet above sea level with a northsouth assemblage of mountain ranges within the Cordillera Central. It has been dubbed as the “Prince of the Highlands” in the Philippines.

POLITICAL SUBDIVISIONS
The province is composed of eight (8) municipalities: Balbalan, Lubuagan, Pasil, Pinukpuk, Rizal, Tabuk, Tanudan, and Tinglayan.

CLIMATE
The prevailing climate falls under the Type III classification of the Weather Bureau. The relatively dry season occurs from November to April while the rest of the year is generally wet. Heaviest rain occurs during September, with an average rainfall of 2,000 mm. Typhoons frequently occur from July to October.

POPULATION
Kalinga has a total population of 154,145 based on the latest census.

LANGUAGE
Ilokano is the dominant dialect spoken in the lower parts of Kalinga, specifically in the municipalities of Tabuk and Rizal. The Kalinga dialect is spoken in other municipalities. Filipino and English are widely understood in all parts.

INDUSTRIES
Loomweaving, rattan basketry, and banana chips processing in Tabuk; animal feeds prodcution n in Rizal; rattan furniture in Conner and Luna; gold jewelry manufacturing and coffee pre-processing in Tabuk, also the trading center.

Benguet - Salad Bowl Of The Philippines

Brief Description
Benguet is the roof of Northern Luzon. It straddles on the Cordillera mountain ranges. Mt. Pulag, second highest mountain in the Philippines, and Halsema Highway, the highest mountain highway system in the country, are located in Benguet. Today it holds claim as the “Salad Bowl of the Philippines” because of the huge production of upland vegetables.

Geography
Benguet lies in the southernmost part of the Cordillera Administrative Region (CAR). Pangasinan bounds it on the south, Ifugao and Nueva Viscaya on the east, Mountain Province on the north, and La Union and Ilocos Sur on the west. The province has a total land area of 261,648 hectares. It is located between 16'33" north latitude and 120'34" to 125'52" east longitude. Its capital, La Trinidad, is 256 kilometers north of Manila and 6 kilometers north of Baguio City.

Political Subdivision
Benguet has 13 municipalities with a total of 140 barangays.

Climate
Benguet belongs under the Type 1 climate, with the wet season from May to October and the dry season during the rest of the year. The average daily temperature is 18.55° Celsius.

Population
Benguet has a total population of 322,000 as of year 2000.

Language / Dialect
The two prominent dialects spoken in the province are Kankana-ey and Ibaloi. Others speak Kalanguya, Karao, and Iowak. The majority speak fluent English.

Major Industries
Agriculture, small and large scale mining, gold panning, silver craft/ brass wares, gift and toy making, strawberry production, livestock and poultry, tiger grass broom making production.

Rural industries include silver craft / brass wares, woodcraft, loom weaving, handmade paper decors and novelty items, garment knitting; sericulture and fruit vegetable processing such as strawberry jams, fruit jellies, candies, and preserves.

Abra - The Philippines' Natural Dye Capital

Brief Description
The Province of Abra is now known as the ""Natural Dye Capital of the Philippines"" because it is blessed with abundant natural dye-yielding plants. Natural dyes are extracted from the barks, leaves, fruits, and roots of these plants, and used to color food, beverages, textiles, cosmetics, furniture, and pharmaceutical products.

The revival of Abra's dyeing tradition had been the project of former Governor Ma. Zita Claustro-Valera. It started in 1992 with the Katutubong Foundation, Inc., headed by former First Lady Amelita ""Ming"" Ramos, with the help of designer Patis Tesoro who is renowned for using ethnic designs and fabrics for her haute couture creations.

Another revival project that is related to the province's natural dye industry is loom weaving and embroidery.

Geography
Abra is an inland province bounded by Ilocos Norte and Mountain Province on the north, Ilocos Sur on the south, Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur on the west, and Mountain Province, Kalinga, and Apayao on the east. Total land area comes to approximately 397,555 hectares.

Political Subdivision
The province is composed of 27 municipalities and 304 barangays, namely: Bangued (31), Boliney (8), Bucay (21), Bucloc (4), Daguioman (4), Danglas (7), Dolores (15), Lacub (6), Lagangilang (17), Lagayan (5), Langiden (6), La Paz (12), Licuan-Baay (11), Luba (8), Malibcong (12), Manab (11), Penarrubia (9), Pidigan (15), Pilan (15), Sallapadan (9), San Isidro (9), San Juan (19), San Quintin (6), Tayum (11), Tineg (11), Tubo (10), Villaviciosa (8).

Climate
The climate of the province is characterized by two pronounced seasons, dry from November to April and wet during the rest of the year.

Population
Abra had a population of 195,964 as of May 1996, or 16.33% of the Cordillera Administrative Region's total population.

Language / Dialect
Based on the 1995 census survey, Ilocano is generally spoken by 73.65% of the region's total population. 25.18% speak Tinguian/Itneg, 0.16% speak Tagalog, and the remaining 0.54% speak other dialects.

Major Industries
As of 1990, there were 743 cottage industries in Abra, of which 208 are registered with the Department of Trade and Indusrty. 59% are engaged in bamboo and rattan craft making, both leading industries in the area. In 1992, the natural dye industry together with loom weaving and embroidery were revived by former Governor Ma. Zita Claustro-Valera. Other popular industries are piggery and poultry, garment craft, and needlecraft.